After 5 years in Medical School, I consider myself fit to be able to comment on the crowd in Indian Medical Colleges. Even though I cribbed and complained most of the way, this journey has been phenomenal in terms of both personal and professional growth. Talk about Graduation Goggles, eh?
Here’s presenting the Ten Types of Medical Students who exist.
1. THE ACADEMICIAN/THE OVERLY ACADEMIC/NERDS
This person will have knowledge about every goddamn thing. Every word of every line of every paragraph will be marked in his books. You’ll find hand written notes on every page, little post it’s with extra information and all of this will not only be in his books but also in his mind and on his tongue in front of the professor.
This is the sort of person who’s going to make you nervous before exams.
“Hey, did you memorise the branches of anastomisis at the elbow?”
“Hey, did you learn the blood supply of rectum?”
“Not really.. I mean…”
“Never mind, and what about the origin, course, function and termination of all cranial nerves?”
“Ohkay, can I have some water please?”
2. THE QUESTIONABLE ADMISSION
He will be the exact opposite of the first one. While the academician will be the reservoir of information, this person will make you wonder how did he land in medical college in the first place.
“Achcha, yeh liver hai, mujhe Toh lung lag rha tha!”
(Oh, this is liver. I thought it was a lung.)
“Yaar ek baat bata, yeh ganglia hote kya hain?”
(So tell me, what is this thing called ganglia?)
3. THE ENTHUSIAST/SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
Everything in the world amases this person. Everything is worth noticing. Everything needs to be commented upon. Everything is ‘oh-so-wonderful’.
“What! We are actually going to a hospital?!”
“Oh wow! We will see real patients.”
“IV Tubing, that’s so cool.”
“I wore a scrub.. Look at me I’m gonna be a doctor. Yahoo.”
“Oh look, there’s pigeon’s poop on the window ledge.”
4. THE CRY BABY
This is self explanatory. This person cries at the drop of a hat. Literally!
“Hey, what happened?”
“The pathology test is a week from now and I haven’t even started studying yet.”
“What? The term exams are a month from now? Where are my tissues!”
“I lost my H & E pencil, how will I make the histopathology diagrams!?”
“Megha just punched me for crying so much!”
5. THE EVENT ORGANISER
He’d be famous (infamous at times), very jugaadu, will have contacts with caterers, flower decorators, tent houses, DJ wale babus and will shine before every important event, be it fresher’s party, class trip, farewell and even the less important ones, friends’ night out, birthday treats, celebration after exams… You get the gist, right?
“Kya? Tere kutte ki shaadi karani hai. Bhai hai apna jo specialist hai isme.. Mai hun na. Tu tension na le.”
(You want to arrange a wedding for your dog? Don’t worry, I know people who specialise in ‘dog-weddings’.)
6. THE 12 YEAR OLD/THE GIGGLY GOO
This one giggles at EVERYTHING!
“Inflammation of testis is Orchitis.”
“Her hee hee”
“Now are going to examine the breast.”
“Hee hee hee”
“Hee hee hee”
“Stop giggling if you don’t want to be bruised. “
“Hee hee hee”
“Ohkay. That’s it!”
7. THE PERPETUALLY ENRAGED/THE ANGRY BIRD
You’ll remember him for his curses, abuses, fights, scars and everything that goes with it.
“Why can’t I get my readings right?”
*bangs fist in the wall*
“The professor targets me all the time.”
*drills a hole in the table with his pencil*
“They can’t even serve good food in the hostel mess.”
“Try to control your temper.”
“Nothing, have a good day. Bye”
*run for your life*
8. THE GUNNER
This person will try to advance himself at the cost of others. No, he won’t tell you after he completes his practical ffiles. No, he won’t tell you anything before, during or after an exam. No, he won’t help you with any concept whatsoever, might tell you the manipulated wrong version if he’s an extreme kind of gunner.
“Nahin yaar, abhi tak padha nhi yeh.”
(I haven’t studied this topic.)
“Mujhe khud samajh nhi aaya, tujhe kya bataun?”
(Even I didn’t get it, so I can’t help you.)
9. THE MISSING
He loves to/lives to sleep. He loves eating. He loves traveling. He loves roaming around. He doesn’t care about his attendance till the professors give him a final warning. He’d be invariably missing on all field visits, he’d be absent in most of the ward leaving exams. He’ll comfortably miss the lectures.
“There’s only 49 of you, where is roll number 50?”
“I haven’t seen him in weeks.”
10. THE SANE ONE
Because normal people do exist. They revise regularly thus are never overburdened during examinations. they are the gentle geniuses. They have a decent sense of humour. They dress well. They look like and are professionals. They have friends. People like them. They ease through medical college due to their sanity.