Have you ever visited a Zoo? Of course you have. Did you notice how the animals are caged, held captive and are not cared for? They are the Medical Interns! Lying at the bottom of medical hierarchy [read- food chain], unable to express their desires and of course, bound by the rules of the Zoo.
The Hospital ain’t much different. If I were to compare the various specialties to the different species of Kingdom Animalia, I could not go wrong. Without much ado, let’s get started *side sweep of hands* (How do YouTubers even do it without cringing?)
1. OBSTETRICIANS & GYNAECOLOGISTS
Who’s got the last laugh? Hyenas!
Although, the chilling facts about OBGYN are not a laughing matter. With a loop that looks like trouble, these bad girls have earned a reputation for themselves, at times deserved and sometimes not. The Female Dominated field [In India, more like Northern India ‘coz Patriarchy and hesitation] has a very exhausting schedule which often renders them hostile to outsiders [Other specialties, patients, attendants, Interns for crying out loud]. They are creatures of the night as almost every baby wants to enter the Big Bad World after the sun has set [Not me, I made an entry in the afternoon].
The deadliest sound is of their laughter and I still am not sure what to do when you hear it as it has mixed signals, maybe they are excited or it could be that they are tricking you and will come at you just when you start to ease a little. Males have the lowest status in the pack [duh!].
The King of the Jungle, a symbol of power, strength and ferocity, arch rivals of the Hyenas [Come on, haven’t you watched The Lion King?]: Surgeons walk the corridors of the hospitals as if they own it. They are protective of their territories, their fellows, their pride [both the pack and the abstract noun]. They follow a strict hierarchical pattern. The don’t consider it a good day if they have not cut open somebody [so much for their adrenaline rush].
Ho Ho Ho! Lo and behold, your funny friend with a long tail is here! Baboons are social creatures that play with each other, wrestle, venture out, sleep, feed and obviously make weird noises. The next time, you see paediatrician making funny faces and uttering gibberish at babies/children, you now know why is that. Even their stethoscopes look like-
Anything to catch the attention, huh!
The harmless wise herbivores who don’t believe in blood bath. Elephants, who else! The most knowledgable, intelligent and even emotional creatures are filled with self awareness, empathy, compassion and altruism. Much loved, their tusks grow lifelong much like their wisdom. Generally calm, they can be aggressive and dangerous once probed. Their memory is the best amongst the Kingdom, they won’t forget their patients, their ailments or their treatment regime.
You come to the Operation Theatre, you induce the patient and maintain him on Anaesthesia, and you sleep, just like the patient. Anaesthesiologist love to sleep, like our very own cute fluffy polar bears. It’s as if they almost hibernate during the surgery. No, don’t get me wrong. They do wake up when the B.P. shoots up or goes too low, the monitor makes sure they get up and actually do something.